We've all been there a terribly embarrassing moment, the wrong thing said at the wrong time when the maximum offence could be taken if not entirely meant. A moment when you wish you could just become invisible or the floor open up and take you away from it all but surprisingly this occasion wasn't my doing.
There I was sat in the dentists waiting room with just a television set to keep me entertained except that the Jeremy Kyle show is not my cup of tea. The usual fodder of single teenage mum, wayward noncontributing boyfriend, jealous new girlfriend and new hard-working boyfriend providing for the child all stoked up by Kyle and his particular manner of leading both parties to the brink of committing murder live on television before restoring calm and giving them a solution to their problem.
Ignoring the garbage on screen I said good morning to another patient just arrived, his unmistakable Eastern European voice replied "gud mournin" then it all got a bit busy a man arrived who I knew as an elder of the Bangladeshi community took a seat quickly followed into the room by a young man of Asiatic origin.
What came next was straight out of a BBC comedy show.......except you couldn't have scripted it, one seat left in the waiting room......next to me and who do you reckon came in and sat in that seat? Only the absolute spitting image of the vulgar grandmother from the Catherine Tate show.
"Look at that bloody rubbish on telly....bloody good for nothings....all on benefits you know? They should neuter 'em. Listen to 'em....can't even speak proper English". I did my best to be polite and nod agreeably with the odd "yes I know" thrown in for good measure. Seizing the moment I deflected her onto MPs and their immoral expenses claims but that proved to be a mistake. She let rip "I needed a new boiler and had to wait eighteen months for it and pay for it meself then they put the pension up and took my wotsname credit away bunch of bloody crooks.............don't get me started on that Gordon Brown and now they wants to bring in even more immigrants..........there aint enough room for 'em they wants to do what they does in China and limit the number of kids they can have".
Well I just sat there head thrown back staring at the ceiling I have no idea what the other occupants of the room were doing I just wanted to disappear into thin air........then I heard the words "Mr Newsham would you come on through please"............I have never so willingly entered the dentists surgery.
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