Observing the Rules

Brussels, what does the name mean to you? is it a cosmopolitan city in Belgium or does it mean Europe and the handing down of rules and regulations that only us British seem to impose and observe?

"Welcome to Smoke-Free Brussels" proclaimed the sign in the Eurostar terminal and again in the Marriot Hotel near the Grand Place. But somewhere along the line the bars have managed to evade this rule, every bar I visited (and they were numerous) during my three day trip was full of smokers. Now, I have been a smoker but managed to kick the vile habit in the year 2000.
I was at Cheltenham Racecourse and had bought sixty Lucky Strikes for the three day trip, found slumped under the statue of Dawn Run with acute loss of legs and speech, I had smoked all three packets in one day which also means I had drunk more than the recommended two months units of alchohol for an adult male in a single day.
I recovered slowly and after five days I realised I hadn't had a cigarette since Cheltenham, I surmised then that I obviously didn't need to smoke and from that day on I have (thankfully) found the whole smoking thing very unpalatable.

There's nothing worse than a reformed smoker so I've been told but if you've seen the light and are a much healthier and wealthier person for it then you shout it from the rooftops. I have some very dear friends who I constantly bully for their smoking, I don't know if it helps them or if it just makes them do it all the more?

The smoking ban in England has been welcomed and abhorred by thousands, pubs are now cleaner fresher smelling places but the outside areas are no-go zones for a non-smoker, why didn't the government give pubs the choice? It wasn't a ruling handed down by Brussels but the government went for it wholeheartedly and in the same old knee jerk reaction as if it was a european parliament decree. The pubs I use always tended to have less smokers than non, I wouldn't choose to go into a backstreet local or a working mens club and I doubt the regulars in there would want me to anyway, but give them the choice. Those pubs and clubs have a majority of smokers among their clientele, they're not normally well known for being food pubs so where's the problem? Let the smoky pubs continue and let those that don't rely on the smokers to be pleasantly smoke free.

Brussels does have smokeless zones in some bars but most are full on, smoke where you like and I have to say it was pretty nasty, after months of enjoying smoke-free establishments in England it came as a shock, the smoke drifting upstairs in one jazz cafe was too much for me to bear, so too in the trendy but old world Cafe Cirio when the man on the next table pulled out a foot long Montecristo and proceeded to ignite it, that was the final straw. I don't suppose this country will ever become like our continental chums who enjoy a pavement table, any outside seating area I see in England is occupied by smokers, so come spring and summer will I be forced to drink inside? There are many favourite boozers of mine that have outside areas to enjoy, living on the south coast the views from some pubs are a real joy but I fear that sitting outside one will not be the pleasurable experience it once was.

Brussels is also home to some of Europes worst drivers, on Saturday the 5th of January the police held an operation to target drink drivers and an astounding one in ten of those stopped were over the limit. Mind you if you popped in for a beer on the way home from work in Belgium and that beer was an 8.4% abv Duvel, you'd be significantly over the limit.
I enjoyed my Brussels experience very much, I wouldn't want to drive in the city though, just crossing the road on foot is a mission that requires careful planning and tactics especially if you've been on a bar crawl, the little green man lights up and off you go only to have a car come flying into your path, a stressful place and it's no wonder all the locals smoke.

I'll be returning to Belgium soon, Eurostar is the future, what a civilised way to travel without the security nightmare of Heathrow and none of the drag of a trek to Dover to catch a ferry with your car which will probably get rammed by a ten year old BMW the moment you fail to spot the traffic lights have turned green.

Dear oh dear oh dear BBC

Dear BBC, Match of The Day Dept: Messrs Lineker, Hansen etc

I have to say I am extremely disappointed that you chose to cover the FA Cup replay between Manchester City & West Ham as your live game on Wednesday. Millions of people do not have the luxury of Sky sports and so rarely get to see a live game on proper telly, furthermore those of us who can afford pay per view tv do not want to see two premiership clubs play each other in an FA Cup tie. We can see this kind of game week in week out, no disrespect to either club involved in the incredibly awful match but what possessed you to opt for the so called "big game"?

The FA Cup is extremely close to the heart of the nation, why choose that game when surely the most obvious choice was to cover Havant & Waterloo v Swansea. It was all there for us, yes us, the licence paying public, this game had it all to offer, the part-timers, the romance, the giant killing expectation, the high flying lower league club against the non league side who are on a journey of fantasy.

The half time Newcastle United/Alan Shearer sideshow was extremely galling, those people who were interested in the story knew about it, Shearer had already spoken to the press and those of us who'd heard all about it had our little chuckle and got on with our lives. That half-time break should have been devoted to the fantastic efforts of Havant & Waterlooville, we saw the highlights from St James Park why not from West Leigh Park?

The tie you did show is repeated as a premier league fixture this weekend, god forbid it's not as brain numbingly dull as the cup match. I hope you are kicking yourselves, you missed the chance of a live game between two clubs full of players and fans who care and believe in the importance of the greatest cup competition of them all, it produced six goals and those people deserved their evening on the box.

No doubt the fourth round game against Liverpool will be live on tv but I for one feel cheated that we didn't see what will prove to be the Hawks greatest achievement, oh yes they will have their day out at Anfield but the performance that got them there, now that is what I and so many thousands of other football fans in this country wanted to see.

Behold The Messiah

"You are the Messiah oh lord, I should know, I've followed a few". Wise words from The Life of Brian but I wonder how many Newcastle fans will be brandishing the Special K packets when King Kev is told to clear his desk at St James Park after yet another false dawn in the history of what must be the biggest "sleeping giant" in English football.

To label Kevin Keegan as The Messiah is sheer folly, I wonder what is now expected of Newcastle for the remainder of this season, top six finish perhaps? Harry Redknapp was wise to turn it down, was he wise to entertain the offer? perhaps a simple "sorry, it's nice of you to ask but I have a comfortable job down here and it's a lot warmer climate, oh and the majority of the fans still love me even though I went off and managed (albeit badly) their biggest rivals". This is where former Newcastle managers could take note. If Ruud Gullit or Big Sam were to go and take Sunderland back to the championship they'd be offered a ten million pound three year deal to go back to Newcastle? No? ok probably not, but then Harry Redknapp, hero or villain, depending on your views has managed to despatch Southampton into the wilderness and return triumphant to Pompey having saved them from almost certain relegation in "The Great Escape" season and establishing them as a top ten premier league club. Now that is a Messiah, not a false prophet who by his own admission stated that his life had taken a different route and will not be going back to football management, good luck Kev you'll need it when the fickle fingers of fans point at you.

Portsmouth themselves are guilty of the "Sleeping Giant" moniker, when I first watched them play I was only 11 years of age and knew nothing of back to back first division championships in the fifties nor the fact they held the FA Cup for six years, ok so the second world war had a part to play in that. They were appallingly bad that in that 1975/76 season and were relegated to the old division three , then slipping further into the fourth division but that brought some incredible away trips. 2,000 Pompey fans at Rochdale for example, matchday programs sold out at mid-day. The sleeping giant tag was bestowed by many a hack on Portsmouth for many a season right up until 1987 when World Cup Winner Alan Ball guided them back to the top flight. The tag continued to be worn for another decade and more spent in the second tier. But the history is there and so are the fanatical supporters, the noise at Fratton Park is awesome, Redknapp would have been a fool to throw away what he has at Pompey to be the next failure at St James Park.

Whatever happens next at Gallowgate, I for one am pleased that Harry is not the Magpies manager, it must be the most difficult job in domestic English football, success must be earned, a great pedigree and a massive fan base is something all clubs aspire to but success just doesn't come to you because you were once a big club who won something, you need a special person to make it happen.

Conspiracy TV?

Here I am at home resting after having had an operation under local anaestetic, overseen by a fantastic Nigerian nurse who kept telling me "you are being very strong", am I? "Ho yes, you are a very brave man", hmm, I knew the truth, I was scared to death, my blood pressure was 147/103 which must be up there with Alex Ferguson when United are only one nil up.
I recovered to 132/88 after the op but the theatre staff said "you bled a bit", thankfully I didn't see the fountains of blood gushing out of my head and probably shouldn't have looked at the wound quite so soon afterwards as I went into shock and needed medicinal rum to stop my body from shaking.

So taking a week off work to recover and feeling rather bored as I'd watched all my DVDs and even resorted to watching videotapes (for those of you born in the early 90s have a look on Wikipedia for a description). I turned to the television for a bit of inspiration, BBC1 from 10a.m to 1p.m Homes Under the Hammer, To Buy or Not to Buy, Cash in the Attic, Bargain Hunt. I was beginning to wish I was back in the office, then I thought "maybe that's what they want".
Had I uncovered a Government conspiracy to force people back to work? If you only have the four or five channels to watch, (five being notoriously difficult to receive a signal from) you really don't have much choice. But I then started surfing through the cable channels and discovered that you can watch pretty much non-stop Only Fools... or maybe you fancy back to back Keeping up Appearances? Not for me thank you, although I have now seen every episode of New Tricks four times, oh dear, I'll be wearing comfy shoes and a beige coat before long.

Luckily for me the History Channel was a lifesaver, Titanic is a subject that is seemingly an inexhaustable vehicle for documentary makers. The second world war is also a much used topic and I have been enlightened, for instance I didn't know that Somalia was part of Britains Empire and was invaded by the Italians and that Catholics and Protestants were killing each other in Paris in the 1600s. So if these history programs were on terrestrial tv just think of the numbers of people who would go off sick, unthinkable, anyway I digress.
The whole thing of making money from antiques or objet d'art that may be knocking around the house has come about from the greed that has been deep set in our psyche for two decades now.

If you have got up the property ladder as far as you can go, what's next? Attic conversion perhaps? yes, and what to do with all the stuff from the attic, of course, you take it to an auction where a slightly northern gent with a posh voice and a moustache will guide you through the process. Or worse still an orange skinned wide-boy in a silver double breasted suit will spit his thoughts and obversations all over you. It's a circle that doesn't look like being broken for some time which is a shame as the television can be a very educational medium, as for me I'll reach for a book until the next History Channel documentary at 2p.m, the Loch Ness Monster-Ultimate Experiment.