I'm Back! And I'm a Proud Father

I haven't been blogging for a long time but now I am back with purpose and positivity.

My fantastic woman Sandra and I have managed to produce an absolutely beautiful daughter, Polly on the 21st February 2014. I am now inspired to blog again.

This afternoon I was in my kitchen bottling my latest batch of homemade ale with my beautiful three week old daughter looking on from her bouncy chair thingy, when The Stone Roses came on the radio. Cue daddy to stop his bottling in mid-flow, crank up the volume and dance to One Love while his baby girl gurgled and stared adoringly at her father 'dad-dancing' in the kitchen. It was a seminal moment in our father/daughter relationship.

So I'm back and some of my blogs are at aimed fathers to be, I'll offer help, advice and handy tips on home-brewing, cycle maintenance and a bit of what is expected of you and what to expect as a new dad.

Newsh.

Rules? You're making it up as you go along

Double Standards.

Cheers then Premier League, thanks for all your assistance. Where do your rules stand now?

Fine the club a million bucks one day and the next allow them to sell players outside the transfer window. It's not just allowing Pompey to sell but also allowing clubs to buy (from Portsmouth) outside the transfer window, so that's two rules broken or bent whatever you want to call it. So why did you apply the strict rules and fine Portsmouth £1m and then bend the rules to allow them to transfer players out? Oh yes of course to pay the fine.

Well I shall be writing to the premier league to demand a full explanation and a breakdown of where the £1m will be going.

Administration and that

It's not the fault of Portsmouth FC as an entity or of the fans that it's in this disgraceful and embarrassing position.

The current players and staff are all committed to the survival and the future of the club which is at the heart of the city. An historic football club in a proud city full of heritage.

I'm studying mathematics graphs and tables, one constant which crops up is the former manager of AFC Bournemouth, West Ham, Portsmouth and Southampton. Four random showings of football clubs entering administration conclude that three out of the four clubs went into administration at some point prior to that managers departure.

Three out of the three clubs that went into administration that the former manager managed are located on the south coast where the former manager lives.

It could of course be a coincidence.

What If It Was Your Club?

Portsmouths plight has been worsened by the late winner for a mediocre Stoke City at Fratton this evening, the hopes that have been raised by the news of an impending salvation from a new buyout were dashed by yet another defeat that leaves Pompey well adrift of the rest of the strugglers in Englands top division.

What is really upsetting is the way many people in the game have turned on the club and in speaking out have turned against the fans and the city which is so proud of a famous English club. A club that won successive league championships, provided international players to England and many other nations. A football club is the beating heart of a city and community, Portsmouth FC is no different, it is a huge part of Portsmouth and it's people.

Quite why some of the media and football people are crying out for Portsmouth to be destroyed is beyond me. Would they be calling for Chelsea or Manchester United to be liquidated if their benefactors pulled the plug and left them in the lurch? No of course not. Has Portsmouth FC offended anyone so much that the football team should cease to be? I think not, the fact is Pompey have lived beyond their means and we readily admit it (shame that nobody in the media admits Redknapp is in any way responsible) but look at Liverpool, Chelsea, Manchester United and they all live beyond their means. United have recently issued a £500m bond to solve the cashflow problems that was sold out in hours and is not performing too well, is that responsible?

So to all the pundits, journalists, managers and so called football fans who are wishing Portsmouth Football Club to be wound up and finished, put yourselves in the shoes of a Pompey fan and then think on, what you believe should happen to a great historic club....would you want that to happen to your team?

It's not the fault of Portsmouth FC as an entity or the fans that it's in this disgraceful and embarrassing position and don't think for one minute it should be resolved by destroying the football league status of what has been and is an institution in a great and proud city.

Another Day Another Drama

More dramatic news from Fratton Park as it's revealed Balram Chanrai is to become Portsmouth latest owner. He has taken over invisible Arab Ali al Farajs 90% stake, Chanrai and his associates have lent the money which has kept Portsmouth FC afloat in recent months and the failure of the Faraj company Falcondrone to repay any of it has led to Pompey changing hands yet again.

With two big battles looming next week, one versus HMRC in the High Court and the not insignicant FA Cup fifth round tie with nearest rivals Southampton what Pompey really need is someone to steady the ship which has been recently plundered by former manager Harry Redknapp.

What I find strange is that with all the transfers out to Spurs no money has been seen coming Pompey's way, Crouch, Defoe, Krancjar, Kaboul all gone and Pompey sliding ever closer to oblivion. If Chanrai can placate the taxman next Wednesday then the club will be on a more even keel but the revenue do seem to be targetting football clubs just lately, Crystal Palace and Notts County to name but two have been hit with winding-up orders and Palace failed to stave it off incurring a ten point penalty as a result.

If Portsmouth were to enter administration the nine point deduction would only confirm what is probably going to be relegation from the Premier League but is the top flight that desirable for a club of Pompey's size? Even in a good season the best a club can realistically hope for is a top ten finish in a league that is so top heavy a one nil defeat against Chelsea is considered a good result. Qualification to the new format EUFA Cup, the Europa League brings the added challenge of a possible nineteen extra games, qualify from the group stages and you're rewarded with all the teams not good enough for the final stages of the Champions League joining you.

The massive spending and wages in the Premier League has to bring the house of cards crashing down at some time and Portsmouth could be well off out of it sitting in the Championship competing on a level playing field virtually debt free.

Don't You Just Love The FA Cup?

Portsmouth find themselves in the fifth round of the greatest club competition in world football, their lowly league position has no doubt forced some fans into voting with their wallets as to whether they attend a cup tie. Two embarrassing attendances of eleven and ten thousand for the games against Coventry and Sunderland have lent their next opponents some ammunition to fire in the weeks approaching the game versus local rivals Southampton. Pompey won the cup in 2008 barely two years ago but we all know whats happened since then, three different managers, the squad scattered to the winds (mostly to Tottenham) and now the club teetering on the brink of financial oblivion.

The Portsmouth News website has had a mini invasion of Southampton fans on the comments boards all eager to point out that they are getting bigger attendances than Pompey and although it's sad it is nonetheless true. Where are all those tens of thousands of fans that thronged the streets and packed the common to welcome home the cup winning heroes? All gone it seems, I know there is a recession and times are hard but for less than ten thousand fans (the visitors brought six or seven hundred) at home for a cup tie is shockingly poor for a city of the size of Portsmouth.

The Battle of Hampshire at St Marys will have around four thousand Pompey fans there and I hope that the tickets are offered first to those who bothered to attend the previous two rounds and especially a priority for those who travelled to Coventry for the replay. Those who sat through the dire first match and sang their hearts out at the Ricoh Stadium deserve it. Likewise the fans who got behind their team against Sunderland when all too predictably they went one nil behind but witnessed an inspired second half performance. Whether the players kick started the fans or vice versa I'm not sure but a corner seemed to have been turned.

Local derbies are few and far between these days, the atmosphere is electric and even though it's a lunchtime kick-off this will be no different. I really miss the Pompey Southampton games and I'm really looking forward to this one, it could go either way. It really is too close to call, Portsmouth are the Premier League side but to be truthful they lack players of true quality and Saints are already on a run in the FA Cup and looking for more cup success are just ninety minutes from Wembley in the Johnstone's Paints Trophy.

If I were a betting man (which I am) I'd lump my cash on it being a draw which is something that Hampshire Constabulary will not want to see and neither will the residents of Fratton who well remember the scenes of violence the last time the sides met in Portsmouth. The historic facts are that Portsmouth have never beaten Saints in the FA Cup in four meetings but the cash boost of more than £400,000 from The FA and television will be handy for Pompey in these cash strapped times where they have a credit rating worse than Zimbabwe.

Amir Khan: ‘I’d be a superstar if I was white’

I'm not a boxing fan but it seems to me that boxers are only in the public eye and in the media when they are building up to a fight. Boxing is a minority sport, a true star will shine through but between bouts the average spectator is not interested in the boxer.

In truth very few boxers can mix celebrity and their sport, the greatest character the sport ever produced is obviously Muhammed Ali but Frank Bruno hit the heights of fame and stardom in Britain and if I'm not mistaken Frank isn't white.

If Amir Khan was an interesting character with something to offer the masses on a weekly basis then maybe he would be a celebrity. Offering nothing but a couple of weeks of hype each year and nothing tangible in between isn't going to make him a superstar.

Can We Please Drag Football Into The 21st Century?

Time for Sepp Blatter to go, if he seriously thinks another pair of eyes behind each goal will work better than a match official watching the tv coverage then he is deluded.

Association Football needs a real makeover and we can start by using tv replays for exactly the sort of thing that happened against Eire.

Also the timing of the game needs to be taken out of the referees hands, it's so simple for a timekeeper to control the time on a game using the stadium clock. If the referee spots that a lengthy stoppage is about to happen, for example a Rory Delap throw-in then he can use his earpiece microphone to say "time off" and "time on". Then we'll get a match of ninety minutes duration not one where an arbitrary one minute is added at the end of the first half and then some wild guess at the end of the second period of play that usually benefits the home side resulting in a "mini match" of between four and eight minutes.

Sepp Blatter obviously wields too much power in football and the seeding of Portugal and France in the play-offs just shows that the current regime will use that power to get exactly what they want.

For The Fallen by Laurence Binyon

With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children,
England mourns for her dead across the sea.
Flesh of her flesh they were spirit of her spirit,
Fallen in the cause of the free.

Solemn the drums thrill; Death august and royal
Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres,
There is music in the midst of desolation
And a glory that shines upon our tears.

They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted;
They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

They mingle not with their laughing comrades again;
They sit no more at familiar tables of home;
They have no lot in our labour of the day-time;
They sleep beyond England's foam.

But where our desires are and our hopes profound,
Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight,
To the innermost heart of their own land they are known
As the stars are known to the Night;

As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust,
Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain;
As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness,
To the end, to the end, they remain.

Paul Weller...it's all about him not you

Saturday night at Westonbirt Arboretum near Tetbury was the venue for my second Paul Weller gig this year, an open air concert in conjunction with the Forestry Commission. Westonbirt was riding high on the success of the previous night when McFly took the stage but not a sell out so it was no surprise to me when the traffic marshalls and gate staff were unprepared for the 7,000 who swarmed on down from the fields now hastily turned over to car parks.

We are old hands at Weller gigs be it small theatres or big outdoor arenas and once the car park picnic of ham, pork pies, potato and onion tortilla with a dessert of homegrown strawberries were demolished washed down with Portuguese rose we entered the arena and got ourselves into a good spot.

A 'good spot' for a five foot ten bloke with a girlfriend considerably shorter than that is not behind tall people. So finding an ideal location can be tricky, about seven bodies back from the front is just about perfect, any closer and you'll be in that 'mosh-pit' nonsense where total strangers push, pull and fling each other around like they've been mates since nursery school.
The moshing area is also not ideal for someone who is still recovering from a ruptured achilles tendon, so mid-stage seven bodies back is good for me.

The excitement builds, the support band do their set and pretty good too they were too. Twisted Wheel three lads from Oldham, look out for them, the raw energy of their obvious Clash and Jam inspired music will be hitting out nationwide after this summers gigs, they play Glastonbury this Sunday on the John Peel stage. If you watch the festival highlights on telly Twisted Wheel should feature on there.

Support act finished now and we're still there just about seven bodies from the front awaiting the Modfather, more tension builds, pissed people are having to go to the toilets making space but more people arrive in our 'seven bodies from the front' exclusion zone. Oh no, no no no no you can't stand there mate, you're eight feet tall and got a rucksack on your back, go on get off out of it. Bugger, we now have to make a tactical move to the left, but hold on yes, nice one the group of blokes next to us need more beer, one is despatched to the bars and we slide along unnoticed and the freak of nature is no longer in the eyeline.

Suddenly Weller is on, the man we've come to see and hear and what a fantastic view, no giants in my line of sight and away we go, Peacock Suit, Changin' Man but hang on..what's occured here then? lots of upper class voices and blonde hair pile into my space, my area, my jurisdiction that I've been guarding faithfully for two hours. I know I know, it's a gig, it's a free country and people have paid their money but I'm now suffering this young female idiot screaming 'woooooo Wellerrrrr wooooooooooo' holding her camera phone in the air constantly while the other hand clutches a pint of white wine.

My upper limbs start to act of their accord, and every time the over-priviledged Barbie bangs into me my elbow goes into her ribs. I'm not giving an inch of ground to the young bitch no way. I saw The Jam before she was even conceived and been a fan of Paul Wellers' music long before she was even at her boarding school. But then........then she lights up a cigarette and we become wreathed in her vile smoke. In these days of non smoking workplaces and public buildings we've all become so more aware of cigarette smoke around us, in a word to a non-smoker it's 'intolerable' and my girlfriend asked her politely to please put it out. Barbies response was mono-syllabic.........'NO'.

An uneasy stand-off then ensued and the girl who thought the whole evening was all about her suddenly got a huge surprise, Weller launched into 'From The Floorboards Up' and immediately a surge came from behind us. Just like the random surges you used to get at football before the days of all seater stadia and the European Runners-Up League. But this was no random surge, this was die-hard Paul Weller fans who wanted to get to the front, right in among those mosh-heads and dance and leap around like a demented gazebo, I stepped to the side and grabbed my girl while these three blokes with linked arms and drunken grins on their faces flew past us taking everyone in front of them including the phone clutching, wine drinking, fag smoking spoilt brat into the 'Pit of Mosh'.

Well now, this was great, now we all had loads of room, no elbowing and a clear view of the stage with all the chaos going on in front of us which had just gone completely mental with bodies flying back and forth arms flailing as 'Eton Rifles' blasted out and a few thousand forty-somethings sang out 'hello hooray, what a nice day' then the mosh area soothed a bit as Weller calmed it down with 'Sea Spray' and what do we see staggering out of the mass of bodies? yes indeed, Barbie, not screeching 'wooooo' anymore but looking somewhat dishevelled no longer clutching her wine glass and mobile phone but forlornly making her way out of the mass of people and indeed right out of the gig still desperately flicking her hair as if nothing had happened while looking to all the world like she's just about to burst into tears. Ironically.....there's a price to pay for the Eton Rifles.

What goes around comes around, treat others as you would like to be treated and we'll get along great but if you behave in life as though you are the only person in the world who matters then somewhere along the way you'll take a fall.

Why Not Build It Without A Supermarket?

It's not like me to have a rant I know but I've just been reading about the new stadium for the 2018 World Cup story and would like to add my two penneth worth.

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/newshome/Portsmouth39s-World-Cup-dream-still.5278927.jp

Does every new development not just a potential new Portsmouth FC stadium have to be linked with a supermarket and housing (namely more flats?).

Portsmouth City Council have not exactly covered themselves in glory in recent times, they didn't encourage IKEA to come to Pompey and just look at the numbers who flock to the store in Southampton not to mention the 100s of jobs created, the tower fiasco and the millions of pounds wasted on computerised bus stops that weren't needed and never worked. But now Portsmouth has the chance to build something for the future, a facility that could serve as a football stadium and a venue for concerts, shows and exhibitions.

We don't need another huge supermarket we need more emphasis on encouraging local shops and a community spirit within our city before it's too late.

Don't get lured into the web of the greedy powerful supermarkets, keep our independence and take ownership of this citys future like you should have kept ownership of the Spinnaker Tower and the revenue it generates.

I don't believe she just said that......

We've all been there a terribly embarrassing moment, the wrong thing said at the wrong time when the maximum offence could be taken if not entirely meant. A moment when you wish you could just become invisible or the floor open up and take you away from it all but surprisingly this occasion wasn't my doing.

There I was sat in the dentists waiting room with just a television set to keep me entertained except that the Jeremy Kyle show is not my cup of tea. The usual fodder of single teenage mum, wayward noncontributing boyfriend, jealous new girlfriend and new hard-working boyfriend providing for the child all stoked up by Kyle and his particular manner of leading both parties to the brink of committing murder live on television before restoring calm and giving them a solution to their problem.

Ignoring the garbage on screen I said good morning to another patient just arrived, his unmistakable Eastern European voice replied "gud mournin" then it all got a bit busy a man arrived who I knew as an elder of the Bangladeshi community took a seat quickly followed into the room by a young man of Asiatic origin.

What came next was straight out of a BBC comedy show.......except you couldn't have scripted it, one seat left in the waiting room......next to me and who do you reckon came in and sat in that seat? Only the absolute spitting image of the vulgar grandmother from the Catherine Tate show.

"Look at that bloody rubbish on telly....bloody good for nothings....all on benefits you know? They should neuter 'em. Listen to 'em....can't even speak proper English". I did my best to be polite and nod agreeably with the odd "yes I know" thrown in for good measure. Seizing the moment I deflected her onto MPs and their immoral expenses claims but that proved to be a mistake. She let rip "I needed a new boiler and had to wait eighteen months for it and pay for it meself then they put the pension up and took my wotsname credit away bunch of bloody crooks.............don't get me started on that Gordon Brown and now they wants to bring in even more immigrants..........there aint enough room for 'em they wants to do what they does in China and limit the number of kids they can have".

Well I just sat there head thrown back staring at the ceiling I have no idea what the other occupants of the room were doing I just wanted to disappear into thin air........then I heard the words "Mr Newsham would you come on through please"............I have never so willingly entered the dentists surgery.

Beer Hunting

Bath is a fine city full of culture, too many tourists but thankfully full of alehouses. Loads of them, my weekend in Bath was punctuated by many a pint and one of the best is the local brew 'Bellringer' and I must confess to asking for a pint of 'Bellender' when I'd had quite a few.

Our first stop was the smallest pub in Bath (pronounced Barth for any northerners reading) this is the Coeur de Lion with it's quaint old coloured glass windows and fab food, the tempura vegetables are just enough for a lunchtime snack and allow themselves to be washed down by the beer without a hint of making a windy reappearance. As the pub is so tiny you are compressed into your seats and cannot avoid tourists.......namely Americans. Alright I know they are always so amazed at our old stuff like castles, Roman remains and Stonehenge to name a few. Why do Americans say 'Stonehenge' with the emphasis on STONE? it's not as if there is another one to differentiate it from. 'Hey buddy we're looking for 'STONEhenge'.......... 'ah you mean Stonehenge'..it's just one word my transatlantic friend. But what really made me chuckle was the elder male yank who noticing my shaking of the non-brewed condiment onto a bowl of chips exclaimed 'they put put vinegar on their French Fries!'....... his wife Myrtle said 'NO!!'..... he said 'yeah! they seem to like it ya know'.

The Abbey Square is the place to be after lunch, at two o'clock the guides gather outside the door of the Roman Baths waiting to take you on a narrative journey through their city. No need to book no need to part with any cash, the guide who led us on a two hour amble to check out the architecture and tell us the story of his city was a fine English character decked out in several layers of linen shirts finished with a linen jacket. His umbrella was quite clearly of a vintage older than myself and his topping off was a floppy grey Fedora, the whole ensemble spoke of a man who had style, class and the ability to tell a story without boring his audience into the nearest tea shoppe. His class was such that after the walk he simply raised his hat and said goodbye, no hanging around for a tip.

Back on the beer hunt The Star is worth a visit as is the Raven last years winner of Bath pub of the year. The Raven offers nine types of home made pie with mustard mash and a range of beers and ciders. On the subject of cider I was offered good advice by our free walk guide 'cider after beer will make e feel queer but beer after cider makes a good rider'. So thats sorted then make sure you taste the ciders first.

Bank Holiday Monday saw county cricket at the Bath ground just a short walk across the river and Middlesex were the visitors who being bowled out for a total of 65 didn't make for much of a game but the beneficiaries of this thrashing by the hosts meant the pubs cashed in with hundreds of visiting fans heading for the alehouses. Most were in a pretty fluid state by late evening and a most amusing moment on the platform at Bath station was a crowd of Middlesex fans chanting 'we don't know what we're doing'..........I can vouch for their honesty.

Get down to Bath on the train for a day of culture and beer but aim to arrive about tennish before the coaches and you'll have a comfortable visit to the Romans Baths, a nice lunch with a pint then take the free walk including the Circus and The Royal Crescent.......here's a good tip visit The Royal Crescent Hotel and they'll show you round, serve you tea and home made biscuits for a fiver which is a lot less money and a good deal less sickly than a massive Bath Bun with cinnamon butter.

How Does That Sound?

The latest television ad for Confused.com paints a rosy picture for those of us who are just too busy to go around getting different quotes from insurance companies.

So with my home contents insurance about to expire I thought I'd give it a go and out of all the quotes one stood out as fantastically cheap.....too good to be true cheap. If it looks too good to be true then it probably isn't true but I went for it anyway. One insurance company were offering me cover at £53.83 almost half the cost of everyone else lets give em a ring shall we?

'Good morning sir you're through to Dave how can I help you today?'

'I'd like to take out this insurance policy please'

'certainly sir would you like to add on personal legal cover at £15 for the year?'

no thanks

'I'll add it on just now and if you don't want it we can take it off at the end.......would you like key cover at £25 for two sets of keys?'

'errr not really'

'I'll add it on just now and if you don't like it we can take it off at the end.....would you like to add accidental damage?'

'errr go on then'

'right that's a grand total of £178.74 minus your £20 cashback offer today the £20 will appear in your bank account sometime in the next ninety days so now that's £158.74 how does that sound?'

'it doesn't sound anything like £53.83'

'well lets take off the key cover and the personal legal assistance and its £118.03 how does that sound?'

'It's still not £53.83 is it, I want that policy which you quoted'

'I'm sorry sir the best I can offer you today is £71.27 with Fortis'

'There's no point continuing this conversion'........sound of phone smashing into its cradle

Anthem For England

We've just been debating God Save The Queen, not the concept of saving her like if she was drowning or stuck up to her waist in a peat bog or something nor the artistic merits of the Sex Pistols tune but the national anthem.

What do we all think of the National Anthem? thats the National Anthem of Great Britain.......(whats Great about it?) Whats not great is that its used as the national anthem of England which is wrong. England needs it's own anthem for sporting events, we should grasp hold of our identity and shout it out, be proud to be English but there you have a problem. If you proclaim your Englishness in our multi-cultural society you are by default making a racist statement, Saint Georges Day is celebrated less by English people (especially students) than St Patricks Day.

On the subject of racism there is a case in this area where a couple complained about the mess left behind by modern day highwaymen known as travellers and the cost to the local authority to clear it up but because they called them Gypsies and weren't too complimentary about them the council could not take their case up because the couples complaint was deemed to be racist in the eyes of the law saying their views 'contained statements that are based on negative assumptions about gypsies, travellers and travelling showpeople and / or could be construed as offensive'.

Sorry, I went a bit off track there back to the national anthem.

der der der der der der
der der der der der der

well thats the first two lines of God Save The Queen, it's a dirge and very uninspiring thats my view, give us Land of Hope and Glory or Jerusalem. This site goes into a bit more depth, I vow to thee my country is another contender..........now where did I put my tablets?

http://anthem4england.co.uk/

Runners-Up League

The Liverpool followers at work are unbearably smug this morning, when asked if I saw the 'footy' I said 'No I didnt watch FOOTBALL I listened to Exeter v Bournemouth on the radio, a proper game in a league that actually means something to me not some farcical runners-up league in which teams who finish 2nd 3rd and 4th in their respective countries play for the European Cup, a trophy which once meant something when the Champions of the said leagues played each other for the right to be the best team in Europe.

Liverpool won this competition after they finished way back in fourth place in the Premier League, surely thats wrong? I mourn the passing of the Cup-Winners cup and the way the EUFA cup has become a disjointed carousel of knockout qualifiers followed by group stages then the remaining teams are joined by the Runners-Up League cast offs and goes back to a knockout basis.

The joke game in the Runners-Up League last night was the German Champions Bayern Munich thrashing Portugals third best team 7-1 which became 12-1 on aggregate, what a team they must be to lose five nothing at home.

The likes of Rotherham, Luton and Bournemouth who have been deducted points just because they owned up to being skint should be rewarded with cash injections from the Football League the FA and EUFA not get fines and points taken away that in Lutons case will see them losing their league status and playing in the Conference next season.

Chelsea operate on a loss making basis every season, Roman bless him writes a cheque to cover the deficit (usually around the £100m mark) how is that responsible business practice? I don't see Chelsea starting the Premier League with a minus 17 points total, even if they did they'd still probably qualify for the runners-up league because the gap now between the rich clubs and the rest has widened so much, ok Everton and Villa have a pretend go at a top four finish but I'll be very surprised if it doesnt end up tediously with United, Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal......again.

Castles Culture and Log Cabins

So you want to get away from it all for a few days? somewhere peaceful tucked away in the woods where your alarm call is the birds twittering and the sun shining through the trees. Do I know of such a place? indeed I do and just a couple of miles north of St Clears in Carmarthenshire you can find Woodland Lodges.

A friendly family run site with log cabins that sleep from two up to groups of eight people, all the cabins have their own sauna which is a nice addition to what is essentially a base to explore South West Wales. Each cabin has all you need to self cater during your stay, shower or whirlpool bath, a fridge freezer an oven with grill, microwave, toaster and a television it's all there, everything is run on electricity so make sure you have a supply of pound coins, one warning the electric meter will whizz round like a whirling dervish if you spark up the sauna.

St Clears is split in two by the busy A40 which hurries the traffic westward to Pembroke Dock and by-passing the quiet little town which has some nice pubs and a couple of excellent prize winning butchers cum delicatessen where locally produced food can be obtained for cooking back at the cabin.

Heading south out of St Clears on the road to Pendine Sands and Laugharne the brown signs direct you to Dylan Thomas' Boathouse and the village of Laugharne with it's ghostly mediaeval castle on the estuary of the River Taf. It is reputed to be the fictional town of Llareggub and the inspiration behind the Thomas play 'Under Milk Wood'. It's other claim to fame is that actor Neil Morrissey loves the place so much he bought one of the pubs Browns Hotel which he sold in 2004 and still has an interest in other property nearby notably the exclusive Hurst House Hotel.

Laugharne has a plethora of pubs ironically three of them are within a stones throw of Temperance House but for good home cooked food try Greens restaurant by the car park, they offer organic local produce but beware if you are peckish between 3 and 6pm as rural Wales is shut.

You can find the grave of Dylan Thomas and his wife Caitlin in the churchyard, a simple white wooden cross is all that marks the great writers last resting place. Most pubs around St Clears and Laugharne have pictures of Thomas on the walls and they all claim he was a regular. Thomas spent most of the last four years of his short life in Laugharne not always sober and often quoted 'an alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you'....no wonder most people assumed he drank himself to death.

Take a walk along the cliffs westward away from the castle up through wooded cliffs and the coast path will lead you along the shore until just before the quarry you cut back into Laugharne where you can walk through the churchyard and then down to The Boathouse where Dylan Thomas lived, now part tea rooms part museum it can be visited as long as you arrive well before 3pm. Just along from the Boathouse is Thomas' writing shed, if not the most expensive shed in Britain it certainly has the best view, this culture trail is well trodden in the summer months when American tourists swarm down to see the great mans house and writing shed so avoid the high season.

After a wander around Laugharne a visit to Pendine Sands is a must, the vast stretch of beach with firm solid sand where land speed records were made and broken in the twenties by Sir Malcolm Campbell and J.G Parry-Thomas. The Museum Of Speed on the beach houses 'Babs' the motor car with a massive 27 litre aero-engined car driven by John Parry-Thomas who was to lose his life on the sands when Babs drive chain broke at a speed of 170mph almost taking his head off. The car was buried in the sand after the accident but was recovered and restored and returned to action on the beach in the seventies. I wanted to open up the modest 1.6 litre 16v engine on my new Renault for a blast along the beach to see what it can do but unfortunately the beach is in MOD hands now and all motoring activities on Pendine Sands are strictly prohibited especially between the hours of 1500 and 1800.

On the way back take a drive to Llansteffan just a few miles south of Carmarthen and climb the steep hill to the castle high on the cliffs. Llansteffan Castle is magical for as many reasons as you care to make up and mercifully unlike in England it's free to enter and not blighted by those twin spoilsports health and safety. Climbing on the ramparts gives a fine view out over the Tywi estuary and makes a wonderful playground, if I had a sword and shield I'd have been running around the place for hours. At low tide you can walk down the zig-zag steps from the south of the castle to the beach below for a spot of beachcombing or a walk on the sand.

This part of Wales is full of spectacular walks, loads of pubs and restaurants and a very friendly welcome from the locals, try the Butchers Arms in St Clears it's on the way out of town on the Laugharne road you'll get good ale and food including real chips something that South Wales is particularly good at, none of your frozen rubbish here just good locally sourced produce and scenery to take your breath away.

Woodland Lodges can be found via http://www.hoseasons.co.uk/

Operational Difficulties

Once again it was proven if proof were needed that ITV shouldn’t be allowed within a country mile of any live sport.

From 8pm we endured a feisty but not particularly exciting Merseyside FA cup tie and into injury time the only goal of the game went to Everton except we didn’t see it.

Some incompetent had pressed a button and on screen was an advert for BT that after thirty seconds disappeared, we cut back to Goodison and see lots of blue shirted players congratulating each other. Nice one ITV the only goal in almost two hours of football and you managed to miss it.

Add to this the needless studio comments of Andy Townsend minus his sidekick the table, last seen on the side of the pitch at Borussia Dortmund in the Champions league. Steve Ryders’ apology of sorts was not enough, ‘we’re sorry that some of you may have missed the goal due to operational difficulties’.…an operating difficulty? Someone must have been sat reading a paper not realising the game had gone to extra time then pressed the button for an advert.

When Manchester United won the Champions League final in 1999 after being one nil down with three minutes to go ITV went to an ad break immediately the final whistle blew, no scenes of joy for us to witness as United won an unlikely treble. ITV Sport have had ten years and more to get it right but still they cannot even begin to compete with the BBC.

I have been critical of the Beeb especially Messrs Lineker Hansen and Shearer for their unswerving favouritism towards the rich four clubs but I thank my lucky stars that when Pompey won the cup it was on BBC without any adverts unscheduled or otherwise.

New Year Resolutions....I'm Still Working On 2008

At the beginning of 2008 I did resolve to not use my blog as a vehicle for random ranting at things which wind me up, you may have noticed I failed, spectacularly.

Among the subjects of my rantings were the BBC, most notably Match of the Day, EasyJet passengers, The Daily Mail, Brussels, Pompey not wearing their proper kit anymore and mental Madeiran taxi drivers.

I thought I was doing well and as autumn kicked in I was not guilty of a single rant in October or November but now...I'm afraid all that pent up rage is going to vent forth.

Wandering into the Albert Road Co-Op in Southsea I spied a display of cards, nothing new there you may say, well this time last week the card rack contained Christmas cards which is fair enough but today........today the rack holds Valentine cards. According to my diary February 14 is the prescribed day for this annual event which makes a man either a romantic hero with enough brownie points in the bank to last until at least May or a hopeless, uncaring, unimaginative loser who will be reminded of his sentimental inadequacies in the romance department for the rest of his life.

What on earth is going on? December 30 and Valentine cards on sale, cast your mind back to September, the shops were full of Halloween items and then fireworks. Guy Fawkes Night also known as Bonfire Night or Fireworks Night is an annual celebration on the evening of the fifth of November. Which incidentally in case anyone had forgotten celebrates the foiling of the Gunpowder Plot in 1605 in which a number of catholic conspirators, including Guy Fawkes were alleged to be attempting to blow up Parliament, so why are the shops are selling fireworks from 9 September?

What happened to the magazine collections? that's the usual post Christmas fare. Tent Mallet Monthly "Buy issue one get issue two free....issue one comes with a complimentary felt drawstring mallet bag"........"this fantastic collection builds into a thirty-six volume set that you will want to keep forever".

As soon as Guy Fawkes Night has petered out in a hazy smog of cordite and bonfire fumed cloud the bloody shops hit us again.....this time with Christmas......and then long before the turkey has even been stripped so bare as to only have legs to go into a curry the adverts start for the sales. "Sale starts 5a.m.....Sale starts 7a.m" My heart goes out to the poor souls who work in the shops and have to get up at some unearthly hour while still digesting their sprouts, Christmas Pudding, Port and Stilton.

Then while out observing in the frenzy of sale shopping I spotted a dinosaur along the High Street, mortally wounded and wobbling on it's last legs, with a final "everything must go" kicking of the legs it gave in to the extinction which has been forced upon it by the giant supermarkets. It was a sad sight as the beast finally toppled over, the vultures moving in to pick the flesh off the still breathing but barely alive body of a British institution, the voracious public flocked in to graze on the remains without a care for the Woolworths staff who are facing New Year without a job.

So as 2009 approaches once again I will resolve to be more tolerant and not rant at things that wind me up but I know it's a lost cause, much as my ranting at the non-stop commercialism with which we are bombarded throughout the year will be.

I wish you health and happiness for the new year and I'll leave you with a few predictions for 2009.

Tony Adams signs Nigel Quashie to bolster his beleaguered midfield.

Portsmouth Northern Quarter plan scrapped in favour of building new medieval style stocks for shaming and punishment of miscreants.

Redknapp leaves Spurs to concentrate on taking Southampton down to League One.

Gordon Brown wins Strictly Come Dancing.

A whole day passes without Tony Adams without making a statement to the press.

Gordon Brown is the first to be voted off "I'm a Celebrity".

Someone in the South-East of England will get a mortgage.

Achilleswatch

Three months after rupturing my achilles tendon I'm now walking without the special boot that kept me from falling over, I felt so confident I even went up to London without it on Saturday.

I did take my patent wooden curved handled NHS walking stick though, given to me by the physio department at St Marys Hospital in Portsmouth. With a flat cap and green jacket I'd look like a cast member from Last Of The Summer Wine.

The walking stick is great it acts as a forcefield a kind of total exclusion zone around my leg, especially useful in Commercial Road, we all know how invisible we become when popping into town for a bit of shopping, nobody can see you. So when an oblivious texting teenager or self obsessed student approaches and doesn't move out of my way they are greeted by the stick out in front of the injured leg.

The stick was almost captured at Upton Park on Saturday, as I limped up to the turnstile an overzealous security man in a bright orange jacket said "leave that 'ere mate"......"no way" I replied.........then he added "you aint taking that in there" ......I could see a battle of wills developing here and even explaining about my injury to him he still wasn't allowing my stick to enter. I then felt a hand on my elbow, it was another orange jacketed man who began steering me to a huge gate "hello sir lets open the door for yer, can't av ya going froo the turnstile, ere Sally open the gate fer the gentleman and take his ticket, there yer go sir enjoy the game".
Well I just couldn't resist turning round and smirking at the first orange man, I nearly raised the walking stick and went "nerrrrrrrrr" at him but didn't think I should push my luck.

On the tube the stick also had magic properties a kind man gave me his seat on the district line, this did cause me a problem as the train was packed and in my good fortune I was now stuck because two stops on I had to change to the Jubilee and I couldn't get off. "Stick do your work", a few prods on feet and on the back of a leg or two saw a way through and like Moses parting the Red Sea the stick had got me a passage.

I don't expect you to condone this behaviour and in fact I ought to monitor my stick wielding antics as it seems to be prematurely ageing me. I caught myself watching Countdown the other day and pressing the mute button whenever an advert came on, especially a Christmas advert, what next, New Tricks? Deal Or No Deal?