At the beginning of 2008 I did resolve to not use my blog as a vehicle for random ranting at things which wind me up, you may have noticed I failed, spectacularly.
Among the subjects of my rantings were the BBC, most notably Match of the Day, EasyJet passengers, The Daily Mail, Brussels, Pompey not wearing their proper kit anymore and mental Madeiran taxi drivers.
I thought I was doing well and as autumn kicked in I was not guilty of a single rant in October or November but now...I'm afraid all that pent up rage is going to vent forth.
Wandering into the Albert Road Co-Op in Southsea I spied a display of cards, nothing new there you may say, well this time last week the card rack contained Christmas cards which is fair enough but today........today the rack holds Valentine cards. According to my diary February 14 is the prescribed day for this annual event which makes a man either a romantic hero with enough brownie points in the bank to last until at least May or a hopeless, uncaring, unimaginative loser who will be reminded of his sentimental inadequacies in the romance department for the rest of his life.
What on earth is going on? December 30 and Valentine cards on sale, cast your mind back to September, the shops were full of Halloween items and then fireworks. Guy Fawkes Night also known as Bonfire Night or Fireworks Night is an annual celebration on the evening of the fifth of November. Which incidentally in case anyone had forgotten celebrates the foiling of the Gunpowder Plot in 1605 in which a number of catholic conspirators, including Guy Fawkes were alleged to be attempting to blow up Parliament, so why are the shops are selling fireworks from 9 September?
What happened to the magazine collections? that's the usual post Christmas fare. Tent Mallet Monthly "Buy issue one get issue two free....issue one comes with a complimentary felt drawstring mallet bag"........"this fantastic collection builds into a thirty-six volume set that you will want to keep forever".
As soon as Guy Fawkes Night has petered out in a hazy smog of cordite and bonfire fumed cloud the bloody shops hit us again.....this time with Christmas......and then long before the turkey has even been stripped so bare as to only have legs to go into a curry the adverts start for the sales. "Sale starts 5a.m.....Sale starts 7a.m" My heart goes out to the poor souls who work in the shops and have to get up at some unearthly hour while still digesting their sprouts, Christmas Pudding, Port and Stilton.
Then while out observing in the frenzy of sale shopping I spotted a dinosaur along the High Street, mortally wounded and wobbling on it's last legs, with a final "everything must go" kicking of the legs it gave in to the extinction which has been forced upon it by the giant supermarkets. It was a sad sight as the beast finally toppled over, the vultures moving in to pick the flesh off the still breathing but barely alive body of a British institution, the voracious public flocked in to graze on the remains without a care for the Woolworths staff who are facing New Year without a job.
So as 2009 approaches once again I will resolve to be more tolerant and not rant at things that wind me up but I know it's a lost cause, much as my ranting at the non-stop commercialism with which we are bombarded throughout the year will be.
I wish you health and happiness for the new year and I'll leave you with a few predictions for 2009.
Tony Adams signs Nigel Quashie to bolster his beleaguered midfield.
Portsmouth Northern Quarter plan scrapped in favour of building new medieval style stocks for shaming and punishment of miscreants.
Redknapp leaves Spurs to concentrate on taking Southampton down to League One.
Gordon Brown wins Strictly Come Dancing.
A whole day passes without Tony Adams without making a statement to the press.
Gordon Brown is the first to be voted off "I'm a Celebrity".
Someone in the South-East of England will get a mortgage.
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
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